I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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