i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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