he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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