I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
