I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
