be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
