vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
