Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
