I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
