he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
