Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just pee around me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
