you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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