is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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