whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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