Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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