I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
