i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
