tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
