we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
