"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
