The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
