I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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