I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
