i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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