I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
