how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
one might say we're banned from that church
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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