someone threw a dead crab at me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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