whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
