Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
