it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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