I just cut my nipple shaving
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
