That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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