Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
