Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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