Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
