1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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