party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
