i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to have your abortion
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
