i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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