They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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