This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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