sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
