Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
