go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We have started to decorate penises.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
