oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
