White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
