there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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