Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
