if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize