so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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