fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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