I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
