It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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