I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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