dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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