Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
