My balls are so social today.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
