he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
