Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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