at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
