On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
