Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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