omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
