Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
