So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
