hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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