i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have already put on my inside pants.
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