My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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