Where did you get a picture of my penis
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
