I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
