he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
